Dear Friend [Part I]

Dear Friend

I don't know if you really exist in this universe, I just need someone to talk to, no matter whether you are real or imaginary. Yeah I know I start to be like Charlie, the main role in that famous novel and movie currently, The Perks of being a Wallflower. Just call me a copycat or whatever, I couldn't careless. I just want to tell a story about someone that I've been observing these past two months. And I hope you are there, reading or hearing me out.
Friend..
Actually I was inspired by a song sung by Christina Aguilera, The Voice Within.. To treat myself as my own old friend that could give the best advice if I try to hear the voice within.
the problem is I don't know if I could give good advice to myself 'cause both of us is not so in sober condition. So I'm not sure to give my advice to her when both side of me is not in satisfactory condition.
Friend..
Please just try to understand it even though it's something that can not be understood..
I just need someone that is paying attention to me and has that kinda good heart to let me finish my story without crashing into my narration..
Friend..
I hope you are still there
Let's just begin the story..

There is a girl lying on her favorite green mattress in her room. She thinks about stuffs that understandably can not be understood. Her days has been miserably uncomfortable, in anywhere. She tries to close her eyes for a while, then reaches for her phone hoping for some songs to console.
*set shuffle mode
*click play

♬"I watched you cry
Bathed in sunlight
By the bathroom door
You said you wished you did not love me anymore"♬

'Ohh yes hell yes I wish I didn't love you anymore' She thinks to herself.

♬"It's just a feeling
Just a feeling
Just a feeling that I have"♬ 

'Yeah maybe it's just me, just my feeling' She thinks again.
She feels that the song sucks, she hates the lyrics for no reason.. Whereas that song has been her favorite..

*click next

♬"Bruised and battered by your words
Dazed and shattered..
now it hurts
Haven't I always loved you?"♬ 

'Yes I have always loved you, if you didn't realize then you're the best moron worldwide' still in her brain.
'By your words? Ain't really, you didn't really talk to me either'

*click next

♬"I'll be your best friend and you'll be my Valentine
Yes you can hold my hand if you want to
'Cause I want to hold yours too"♬

'Hmm yeah.. I'll be your best friend, I'll be right there whenever you need me. It gives me a chill and ease to think that you need for my help. Of course you can hold my hands too... honestly I want to hug you but I won't force. Yes I guess I like you alot'

*click next

♬" What am I supposed to do when the best part of me was always you?
And what am I supposed to say when I'm all choked up and you're ok?
I'm falling to pieces, yeah,
I'm falling to pieces"♬

'Well this song is perfect. Perfectly impolite! My best smile these days is always from you and made by you, though indirectly. And I often can't find the right words to say when near you, and often expel random and unorganized words while you just stay calm and it hurts me so badly, technically, automatically. And yes I'm falling to pieces!'

 *click next

▷ Dreaming with a broken heart - John Mayer

She doesn't blabber to herself this time
She's being totally quiet
'Maybe I should sleep'
Then she closes her eyes.

She doesn't want to close her eyes actually.. because she hasn't found the comfort.
All she needs is to be comforted.
Impossible to ask for some comfort from her friend while the wall clock shows her that it's way too late at night, and it's embarrassing to bother her friends again for the exact same matter.
It's even impossible to ask comfort by the one that makes her uncomfortable.
So she decides to sleep..
Even though the impeccable hollow still lingers on her.

Friend..
I know the story is peculiar, I know.
But I do know too that you are a good friend that will always read or hear my story..
Thank you..

Friend..
I would like to tell you more about 'She' next time.
I know you would.

Friend..
I'm tired, I know you care about me.
Would you like to serenade me a lullaby?

Friend..
I would like to remain as anonymous..
So I wouldn't tell you my name..
But you could call me Charlie.

Friend..
See you next time



Love
Charlie