First official written letter for you

Witnessing how good my relationships that have been built with male friends intrigues me to apply that way to the guys I have crush on in the future. In hope, I’m gonna have a good relationship too with one of them. Both of us will love each other right and have happy days. The thing is, I haven’t been able to love anyone else better than I love you.

Witnessing how good my relationships that have been built with male friends makes me daydream impossible daydream of having a time machine. I’m going to turn back to the time when we first met, when your gaze magically sent butterflies to my tummy.  I would get the chance to make things right, to treat you the way I did to those my best male friends, so we could be friends and you could see my sincerity then we would  love each other right and have happy days.

We are forbidden to regret anything that happens in our life. But at some points, sometime I do have these regrets.

I have always had this obsession to meet you accidentally and I’m at my best so you could see how much I improve, how thousands better I am than the last time we saw each other. In hope, I attract you, we will love each other right and have happy days. Nonetheless, up until now I’m still unsure if I’m already good enough to be with you.

Sometimes, I feel bad toward myself. It happens when I think about you a bit more intensely than necessary. If that condition invades me, I’ve always had this ridiculous and wishful imagination, in attempt to make myself feel better.

We meet again we are grown up, in million better versions of ourselves. I’m involved in an excitement conversation with our other friends. You will watch over me and curve your lips unconsciously in secrecy. Then, you and I and other friends decide to go to karaoke bar. I have my turn, and I sing all the songs about us from the bottom of my heart, we surely can relate to the songs I sing, those songs will perfectly describe what you are to me and what I want to be to you,  you get awed and understand. We will love each other right and have happy days.

But again, I’m already a grown up lady and you’re a grown up guy now. When will I get that kind of wishful and ridiculous chance in real life?

We are forbidden to regret anything that happens in our life. But at some points, sometime I do have these regrets.

May I ask you something?

What am I to you?

I hope I am better than insignificant existence to you. I do hope I’m better than merely that.

Do you know or more suitable question is do you ever want to know that I have this hobby, I like to make anything normal about you and me to be a coincidence, a sweet condition to be more exact. Do you want example?

For example, my date of birth and your month of birth share the same number in particular, 7.

Or your sister happened to be in the same school as me 12 years ago.

And other coincidences I made myself.

What am I to you again? I really want to know.

What am I to you? I don’t really want to know cz it might just hurt me, or like this, I know it will hurt me I put my guard up and encourage myself not to be hurt cz it’s not my first experience, however I can’t help but hurt.

What are you to me?

Just by reading this. You know how much you mean to me.

Dear you.

Hi!

Happy belated birthday.

*sorry for the late birthday wish, I don’t send you message this year cz it might annoy you. So I just post it on blog.